Home > "south africa" > Circles, Corners

Circles, Corners

This trip started with a dream over a year ago, July 2007. It’s the most vivid dream I’ve had to this day and it still shakes me every single time I think about it. This dream has yet to be written down… because I simply can’t. I’ve told it to close friends countless times who are willing to listen and I have drawn vague sketches of its scenes in my journal. But the way I most remember it, is living it… which I currently am.

This dream challenged how much I trust, how much I’m willing to sacrifice, what I’m willing to leave behind and showed me how humble I must become to achieve what’s ahead – all painted in a way I understood.

I’ve never been able to fly in any dream since I was a kid. I would jump off of cliffs, aching and hoping that I would fly this time. I never did. I always snapped awake at the bottom. But sometime mid-July 2007… I flew. And I still feel the strength of the wind underneath me when I close my eyes.

I’m not going to attempt to tell you this dream. But, I will tell you, it has been one of things that has kept me going in faith this entire year, so it’s definitely worth mentioning.

As I’ve been here, there has been no choice but to be selfless from day one. My agenda hasn’t been mine. I wake each morning with the anticipation, “what does today hold? what will I see? who will I meet? how can I love these people today?”

Ever since this trip was finally finalized, there’s been a dissatisfaction and desperation kicking me in the gut – con, sistent, ly. I go to sleep with it. I wake up with it. I loose myself in a gaze with the thought of it. There’s some type of healthy battle in soul going on even while I sleep. I’ve learned that I will never be satisified anywhere, and this tension that I continually wrestle with will never go away… and I’ve decided that I would never want it to. I came with so many questions to be answered, and now I simply don’t want to find the answers. Really, I need some answers in me to be questioned. I’m on my way to doing that one day at a time. There’s no need to rush – otherwise, I would stunt growth and dislocate – and what good would it be to have all the “answers,” sit around and be ineffective?

I choose the life of a wanderer.

Awakening the dawn with questions to live out, answers to be questioned, people to love, world to explore, more of Him to find within and without – who said any moment of any day could be boring?

By wandering with Him as my Guide and tuning my close listening ear, the beauty of not exactly knowing will be lived out to its fullest and in turn, challenging my faith and trust in Whom I say that I love. Love himself.

There’s a bit of what’s been in my head.

Onward.

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Categories: "south africa"
  1. November 9, 2008 at 8:24 PM

    oh lauren, you’re spirit is in such a good place right now. i’m so excited about everything you’re doing and experiencing and etc.

  2. renovatians
    November 12, 2008 at 4:23 AM

    good. good. words.

  3. November 12, 2008 at 4:24 AM

    oops. That was me. good good words. yes.

  4. z.
    November 15, 2008 at 4:48 AM

    mmm…you have such a way with words.

  5. November 15, 2008 at 6:21 AM

    oh wow, you fell it!! i knew you would! ahh i love you so much lauren! it brings tears to my eyes, every time i think of you.

    and every time i think of what God showed me in Colombia, and how much ive been able to mature in stature and understanding and wisdom, and love. oh love. since that time, it is just breathless and speechless.

    fly, lauren, fly!

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